The X-Men are one of my blind spots when it comes to knowledge of the Marvel Universe, as I’ve long lost track of them and I check up on them only occasionally.
The so-called Krakoa Era is even more of an unknown to me, as I’ve only been able to gather information about it mostly from tie-ins and cameos.
Unfortunately for me, Doctor Doom shows up a few times so I kind of have to talk about it.
Marauders vol2 #21 (2021)
by Gerry Duggan & Matteo Lolli
cover by Russell Dauterman
This is the beginning of the Hellfire Gala: a huge party thrown by the X-Men to advance major plot points and to give the artists the occasion to draw ridiculous high-fashion outfits.
Mostly the latter considering the cover.
As much as I really, REALLY don’t like the Krakoa era, the Hellfire Gala is a cool idea for a recurring event that I hope remains.
The fashion aspect of the Hellfire Gala gathered A LOT of attention at the time. Already at the start we can definitely see some cool ones, like Kitty Pryde here…
…but a lot, and I do mean A LOT of dresses are absolutely ridiculous.
Which I guess does track if they’re supposed to be high fashion.
Since Krakoa is a sovereign nation, this is also a diplomatic occasion. Which is why Doom has been invited, although now he’s just wearing his regular armor.
Take your guess what Reed says to Professor X when he sees him dressed like this.
I would’ve gone with “you make Liberace look like the most straight man to ever live”.
The celebration of “mutant culture” includes a telepathic musical performance.
Doom is not a fan.
It takes Captain America to prevent Doom from causing a scene. Although I think Doom is already way too gracious considering he’s not laughing in Emma’s face at the sight of that silly hat.
You’re really bad at this whole diplomacy thing, Emma.
But at least Doom’s having fun!
The story ends with the guests leaving the party shocked by what happens at the end… but it’s not revealed until MUCH later in the storyline, which is mostly told in flashbacks.
Doom doesn’t show up in that issue, but it’s so crucial for the rest of this era that I have to mention it.
Planet-Size X-Men #1 (2021)
by Gerry Duggan & Pepe Larraz
The X-Men have been planning something big for a while. We have a flashback set before the Hellfire Gala where Captain America asks Cyclops to give him some reassurance… and considering how vague he’s being, that’s cause for concern.
They’re planning something big in space, something that requires the use of a mutant powerhouse.
Considering that Magneto immediately dismisses Franklin because he’s no longer “one of ours”… yeah the X-Men are fully embracing Magneto’s viewpoint now.
Franklin Richards, part of the Fantastic Four family, close friend to a prominent X-Man? He’s not good enough, he’s not a mutant.
JAMIE BRADDOCK, brother of Captain Britain, insane reality warper who in more than one reality is a universe-destroying homicidal maniac?
Good enough, he’s a mutant.
And it’s not just Magneto: everyone is on board with this.
And with the additional help of Storm…
…the X-Men TERRAFORM MARS, now renamed Arakko.
Yep. That’s what the Hellfire Gala was about… throwing a celebration in front of the Earth’s elite to showcase that the X-Men have TERRAFORMED MARS.
And that’s ON TOP of the fact that they have their own nation AND on top of the fact that ALL mutants are now easily resurrected.
We are now SO far removed from the X-Men as metaphor of oppressed people that I’m not sure they will ever recover until this event is retconned out of continuity.
S.W.O.R.D. v2 #6 (2021)
by Al Ewing & Valerio Schiti
And we are not even done with the audience-alienating premise.
We now continue the events AFTER the gala, so now the guests know what the X-Men have done.
It’s easy to see Captain America and Doctor Doom as polar opposites, but occasionally they do share a connection.
Steve even shares a moment, talking about how learning how man walked on the Moon during his hibernation restored his faith in the future.
This is a great use of the sliding timescale: Cap was unfrozen years before Apollo 11, but since the length of his hibernation keeps growing, you might as well use it in a story.
Cap was also sad when he realized humanity didn’t have as much interest in space exploration as he had imagined. Same here, Steve.
See, this is why Captain America is so awesome and why it’s SO FRUSTRATING that the X-Men keep shoving him aside because he’s not a mutant.
He’s not sad because the mutants terraformed Mars, he’s sad because they didn’t unite humanity.
Doom is, of course, of a slightly different opinion.
But I did mention audience-alienating premises, so how about the fact that the X-Men just took it upon themselves to represent Earth in front of other interstellar civilizations?
While also chastising Nova because he’s been busy saving the universe? Why do I get the feeling that if Nova was a mutant he would’ve been informed immediately?
But there’s more, because this is where we are introduced to the fictional metal Mysterium.
Created by the X-Men through some cosmic nonsense, it has way too many cool properties… it’s super-tough, super-conductive, heat-resistant, radiation-resistant, magic-resistant and plot-resistant.
If a metal could be a Mary Sue, it would be Mysterium.
Okay, so to recap, at this point the X-Men:
-are all functionally immortal
-they have their own planet
-they officially represent Earth
-they are the sole supplier of the most amazing material ever
-they are the sole supplier of the basis of the galaxy’s new currency
Don’t get me wrong: there are all very cool and very interesting sci-fi ideas.
WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO DO WITH THE X-MEN???
MY QUESTION EXACTLY, DOOM.
DOOM DEMANDS TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!!!
And the answer is Storm.
So yeah, in addition to all of what I mentioned previously, one of the X-Men is currently THE QUEEN OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM.
S.W.O.R.D. v2 #7 (2021)
by Al Ewing & Stefano Caselli
cover by Valerio Schiti
This issue is why Doctor Doom rushed through the previous Guardians of the Galaxy storyline.
So what was so important to interrupt saving the universe from Dormammu The Living Planet?
Having dinner with Storm.
Worth it!
Unlike Emma Frost, Storm actually DOES understand diplomacy.
See, he’s ASKING if he can kidnap your staff! That’s progress!
A brief tangent here. Remember that in Uncanny X-Men #145 Doctor Doom turned Storm into a statue?
That was eventually retconned into being a Doombot in Fantastic Four #258…
You might remember that was retconned back into being the real Doom in Loki: Agent of Asgard #6…
…and now THE SAME WRITER OF THAT STORY retcons it back to being a Doombot!
1981 = real Doom
1983 = Doombot
2014 = real Doom
2021 = Doombot
Giving that this is written BY THE SAME WRITER of the previous retcon… I don’t think it’s actually a retcon, Doom is just covering his mistake by blaming it on a Doombot.
I might have spoken too soon about Storm’s diplomacy.
Doom has already figured out the cosmic nonsense that the X-Men used to create Mysterioum, because of course he did.
You might think that Doom’s problem with it is jealousy.
No, his problem is that the X-Men were reckless.
As much as I dislike this era… dammit that’s already one of best Doctor Doom lines of the decade.
Yeah when DOCTOR FREAKING DOOM is telling you that you’re playing with forces that should be left alone, you’ve gone waaaay too far!!!
So Doom has an offer for the X-Men: the knowledge on how to properly use the power they gained.
Storm refuses. Because while the X-Men are collectively dumb as rocks, at least THIS story is written by a good enough writer to avoid having them blindly trusting Doctor Doom.
Although Storm is still enough of an X-Men to sow the seed of their eventual demise… pride.
And that’s the extent of Doom’s direct involvement with the X-Men for a while.
He will interact with the Krakoa era again, and while he will show up briefly for the ending he won’t be instrumental to it.
But since I’ve talked about them… how will the whole “we rule Mars and the entire solar system” deal conclude?
Yeah that’s about right.
Next time wear gloves, people.
Doom significance: 0/10
Ultimately skippable. Although it IS possible that seeing the X-Men put some serious effort into ruling A planet gave Doom the push to eventually do the One World Under Doom event.
Silver Age-ness: 2/10
Mysterium coming out of almost nowhere. Way too philosophical with its origin though.
Will it stand the test of time? N/A
I don’t think I can honestly score this one, considering I only focused on a tiny fraction of the story.
I’ve said before that I have my problems with how the X-Men deal with the rest of the world once they establish Krakoa… and the era following the Hellfire Gala is orders of magnitude worse.
Not only the metaphor for oppressed people is COMPLETELY lost when they are immortals who can terraform planets and bully entire interstellar civilizations… the way the X-Men go about it makes them INCREDIBLY unlikeable.
As I have said before, they are utterly embracing Magneto’s ideology: mutants are inherently superior in everything, they should have all the advantages, all the technology, all the progress, and humanity can only hope to avoid retaliation if they behave.
And that’s not even counting who ends up in the inner circle leading Arakko.
Sure you have people like Professor X, Marvel Girl, Storm, Nightcrawler and Kitty Pryde… but if you had trouble with having Emma Frost and Magneto in a position of power?They have
Mystique, Exodus, Mister Sinister and Apocalypse.
FREAKING APOCALYPSE.
That’s when I tuned out. Yeah I know they eventually gave Apocalypse some character growth by introducing more stuff in his past about his family, but… I’m sorry, you can’t make me care for a team that listens to what MULTIPLE sadisic genocidal maniac supremacists have to say.
It’s so bad that, throughout almost the entire Krakoa era, whenever I saw the X-Men show up anywhere I was actively rooting against them.
When I last criticized the Krakoa era, I received some feedback from x-readers who told me that one of the things the fandom found appealing was the chance to finally see the X-Men in a position of power where things are going their way.
And I can understand that in theory, but my problem with the Krakoa era is that it exposed that with very few exceptions these are terrible people who should never be given a position of power.
Because at the end of the day, what do the X-Men actually DO with the immense possibilities granted by their new resources?
They hoard them for themselves. They isolate themselves from those different from them. They squander their gifts in meaningless fights among themselves. And ultimately their downfall is caused by their hubris, their infighting and the inability to listen to any other point of view.
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE THE X-MEN TO YOU???